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| Feb. 21, 2000 |
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I felt like I was dreaming and if I am I don't want to wake up. I longed for a baby. The day I heard her heartbeat, my heart grew so big and I never knew I could love so much until this day. Thoughout my 9 months pregnancy, I cherished every movement of my baby in my belly, the wiggles and pokes, I loved feeling her grow inside me and I enjoyed watching my belly getting big and round. Wow, I was so amazed, this is life growing inside of me, finally a baby of my own. Early February I hardly felt my baby move. Having went to my Dr. in our hometown, Belcourt N.D, I was given an ultrasound and was told that I was running out of fluid. Monday, Presidents Day, my labor was induced twice, but she wasnt ready to come out. I was then sent to a Dr. in Minot, N.D. The drive to Minot is 1 1/2 hour away. Shayla's Daddy John and my Grandma Rita drove me. My contractions started but I didn't tell them. I was excited, day dreaming about how my baby girl will look, imaging her voice. Already I was being stingy with her. I couldn't believe today is the day, today I get to hold her in my arms. I waited for this day with Great Anticipation. John stayed by my side in the delivery room and watched his first born daughter come into our lives. Mommy's first baby. February 21, 2000 @ 7:54pm we heard the first sound of our first born baby girl's voice. How Precious the sound, I can still hear her voice. I can still smell her newborn baby scent she wore. John stared at his new born baby girl with a look I never seen from him before, a look with an incredible amount of amazement and love. The whole 9 months I wondered what you were going to look like, I never imagined you to be so PERFECT. You were in my eyes perfect, an ANGEL already.
I remember when I found out I was pregnent, I don't think I can ever get that feeling again, it was a feeling that I can't even explain, but I thought to myself as the months went by they weren't going fast enough, the day you were born, was the best day of my life, I remember holding you for the first time, and that made me feel so good, to finally have a baby girl, I wanted a girl so badly, I had plans for us together I was going to try to be the best mother I can to you, but I failed the day you got sick and passed away. You Shayla were the light of my life, and that noone can ever take it away from me. I know I miss you like you were here just a second ago.
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| April 2000 Easter Sunday |
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You looked so beautiful in your easter dress.
Happy Easter My Pretty Flower |
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| 4th of July 2000 |
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| August, 2000 |
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You are now 6 months old and trying to crawl. You find out that you don't much care for crawling so you prefer your walker. |
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| October 15th 2000 |
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My beautiful baby girl was blessed with God's love on October 15, 2000. We celebrated love and new life as we dedicated our Shayla to God officiated by Rev. Deacon Francis Davis at St. Ann's Catholic church in Belcourt, N.D. Shayla knew it was her special day, she smiled all day long. She was given three baptismal gowns, her grandpa Wade & grandma Steph gave her one but Shayla grew so fast, she outgrew the dress. Her Grandma Sheila bought her one that ended up to big. Her final dress she glowed angelically in was from mom & dad. I was so proud of my big girl and I smiled at her with so much love in my eyes with her pretty dress on. John held her so lovingly as she was blessed with holy water.
Chosen for her God Parents were Jessica Lenoir & P.J Brien. P.J was so proud to be her God father. Shayla loved him dearly, she always followed him everywhere he went when he would walk into our grandma Rita's house. |
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| November 2000 |
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Here you decide to try walking without any help, and to our amazement you did it, mommy was so proud of you. You became a pro at walking in no time at all. You were only 9 months old, I knew you were going to be the smartest lil girl. Our whole family thought you were so cute when you started walking you were so short and still too young to be walking. The photo I added to this page is of when you were 10 months old.
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| December 2000 |
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 The month of December oh how the time flies! This month we are getting prepared for your 1st CHRISTMAS oh how excited mommy was! On one of my shopping trips I had to leave you with Grandma Lucille, and I went to pick you up and our way home we were rearended by a drunk driver, you were strapped in your car seat unharmed but very scared. Mommy's car was totaled but THANK GOD my baby girl wasn't hurt. I held you that night until I got you to calm down, but we were going to be ok. After that I thought my Shayla can get through anything that life was going to throw her way.
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| January 27, 2001 |
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Shayla, on this day your baby sister was born, I decided to name her Shaylee Rose Lenoir, so it would be similar to your name, meaning you girls would be just like having twins, and I thought about all of the fun we would have together. I thought about how close you girls would grow up together and be the best of friends .
Today your sister was born and I still had you my baby girl, my life was perfect, other then having to leave you the night I was in the hospital having your sister my life was great. I had the 2 most beautiful baby girls in the world Shayla & Shaylee. That night I went in to have your sister, I cried until 5 in the morning because I had to leave you for the night. I called and checked on you every hour on the hour, your Aunty Christy kept you that night, and I remember Dad telling me you were doing really good and not to worry about you. I know you didn't know what was going on that night, I know you were missing me that night, and I was missing you so much, I wish I could have kept you at the hospital with me that night. You came to see us in the hospital you were confused though I think a little too young to understand that you were a big sister. I brought Shaylee home, and when I carried her I had to carry you, finally one morning you had to have her on the bed with us, and you just kissed her up, and hugged her, that look of love you had for you baby sister I will never forget. Your sister was only 13 days old when you got sick suddenly and God took you away from me.
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| Feb.10, 2001 |
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 Saddest Day of My Life. February 10, 2001. Passed away in Minneapolis at the Fairview University Medical Center, University Campus. Your doctors name was Micahel Sweeney. My girl, you suffered from; Pnuemococcal Meningitis which took 3 days to take you from me, I know you were trying to be strong to stay here with us, Hyoxic Encephalopathy "Prior Cardiopulmonary Arrest" 42 hours, Brain Death in the last 3 hours.. When they told us we had to pull you off of life support my whole world crashed, I told your dad that I couldn't be in there with you, I stood outside the door, that was the worst thing ever in my life to ever go through. Now I wish I can go back and at least be there for you when you fell asleep for the last time to be with Jesus. Daddy held you in his arms as they took the life support off. I just could believe this was happening, oh God please, I didn't want this to be happening, God please I need my baby with me. The death certificate was signed on what would have been your first birthday. This time I wanted to be dreaming, screaming for someone to please wake me up. I never thought that I would lose you my baby girl. As we try to get on with our lives, you will never be forgotten. You left an impact on my life in such a way that I can never forget.
On February 8 you got sick so suddenly, I took you the hospital because I knew you weren't right, and the Doctor told me you had a virus, and let it take its course, but Shayla you had this rash all over your body, if only I had known then, the doctor told me it was a heat rash, a HEAT RASH in the end of January, you never got that hot to get a heat rash. Finally one night you didn't want to get up, and I had so much going on in my life I thought I would just let you sleep it off, Finally your grandma Rita said we should take you in, and we did and it was already too late, I feel so guilty at times, I remember when you went into convulsions in the waiting room and the nurse took you right out of my hands, little did I know that Meningitis was killing my little girl, but they flew you to MInot and then Minneapolis and they determined your Meningitis, one of the signs of Meningitis is a rash all over the body, but we didn't learn any of this until they started putting flyers out at our local hospital, and we also come to find out that they have a shot for this to help fight against this sickness, but our hospital couldn't afford it, but after you died my baby of Meningitis, all children get this shot from our hospital, its sad that it took you my baby girl to die, before our hospital decided they could afford it. You see Shayla, you were my first born baby girl, I loved you more then life itself, I would have did anything to give a chance at living a good life, and God chose to take you from me. I get so angry and the feeling of being lonely every day of my life is unbearable at times.
I had so many plans for you , Shaylee and Me. I pictured us having so much fun with each other, you being the protector, but GOD had other plans for you.
You weren't suposed to get sick, I took you to the hospital, and the doctor said you would be ok. My Shayla I miss you so much I wish I could go back 5 years and know what I know now. I wouldn't have all this anger and this lonely feeling that will never go away. When you died my precious baby girl, a huge part of me died, I will never be the same. You were my hero you were my whole world. I love you and miss you so much.
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| February 15 & 16 2001 |
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Rosary & Prayer Vigil Service was held at 8:00 p.m. Thursday, February 15, 2001 at St. Ann's Catholic Church.
Mass of Christian Burial was held 10:00 a.m. Friday, February 16, 2001 at St. Ann's Catholic Church.
Celebrant: Father Dan Estes, SOLT Music: Shelly Martin, Tamara Gladue and Troy Decoteau Readers: Theresa Brien and Sheila Belgarde The Eulogy: Keith Brien Gift Bearers: Wade Brien, Jessica Brien and Karen Azure PallBearers: PJ Brien, Wade Brien Jr, Bobby Brien and Mark Lenoir Honorary Bearers: Ryan, Waylon, John and Shaylee Lenoir, Aunts, Uncles and cousins
My "LIttle Angel"
A new blessing has come down upon me today, One that is hard to give back right away. My angel was born and traveled back to her home, Leaving me to feel so very much alone. Her little blessing touched my whole family at heart, and sent liquid prayers to each, as we fell apart. New with new strength, I will kneel and pray each day, to my own, "Little Angel" the creator gave me today.
Preceeded in death by Great Grandpa Tiny Brien, Great Uncle Kenneth Brien.
Survived by her Parents; John Lenoir and Annie Brien, Sister; Shaylee Lenoir, Brothers; Ryan, Waylon, and JJ, Great Grandma (Granny); Rita Brien. Maternal Grandparents; Wade R. Brien (Stephanie) & Lucille St.Germaine. Paternal Grandparents; William E. Lenoir & Sheila M. Belgarde Grandparents by Heart; Glenn L Azure & Karen L. Azure. GodParents; PJ Brien & Jessica Lenoir. Uncles; William E. Lenior Jr., Patrick L. Allery, P.J Brien,Wade Brien J.R., Kenny J. Brien, and Brandon L. Brien, Uncle by Heart; Delane W. Wilkie Aunties; Brenda A Lenoir, Betty L. Lenoir, Jessica Brien, Rebecca R. Brien, Aunties by Heart; Annette M. Hamley, Nicole L. Mears, Christy D. Azure, Leah M. Azure, Jessica R. Azure, Leslie J. Azure, Jessica Lenoir, Penny St.Clair, Melissa Charboneau |
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